fear is ... fear itself

You want to say something, in fact you need to say something, but you hold back, you withdraw and because of that your relationship is doomed. Your inability to say what you want to say, and to mean what you really mean, will destroy everything you have built. Simply put, a house without a foundation, is a mobile home and when a tornado comes to town I know which one I'd rather be in. Not to take away from mobile homes... they do serve a purpose, but if your relationship is a motor home, it will not survive the ups and down of deadly twister.

So why are you holding back? What are you truly afraid of? You know, if you ignore the problem it won't go away. In fact it will only grow, and before you know it your mobile home will be tested. So break it down, and be honest with yourself. If you address the problem, whatever it may be, ask yourself ... what's the worst case scenario? Now, here's the part where you need to be honest with yourself, and no the world will not end. Once you've realized the worst case, ask yourself, "can I deal with that situation, if it happens." Again be honest with yourself, there is nothing to be afraid of. Oh, and one more thing. This situation, this mess, you made it, it's time to fix it, okay.

So break it down like this:

1. Can I handle the worst case scenario. (Remember you came to this relationship with no fears, why can't you resolve it with no fears?)

2. Once you have accepted that you can handle the worst case scenario, look beyond that and ask yourself, how can I build from that? Should the worst come true, all is not lost. Remember, this is worst case. Best case, issue resolved, and now you can move on.

3. Lastly, and the most important. Address the situation, and do not provoke. State your concern, why it's important to you, and how it will benefit, you both. If they are not receptive, your probably living in a mobile home. If they are receptive, then you are loved.

Once you eliminate the fear in your head, and address the matter at hand, you'll see that these very simple steps can be used in all aspects of your life. I used relationships as an example, but you can use these with friends, work, politics, etc. Is this bullet proof? No, even the Titanic sunk. But seriously, what have you got to lose?

fire pit of despair & Harry Harlow

When I began this post, I had every intention of discussing my new fire pit that I recently received. I thought it would be great to recall old memories of camping, and ghost stories, but in doing so I discovered another ghost story, one that is scary and true.

It all began when I was trying to think up of a title for my blog. Any old title wouldn't do, so I thought up a good play on words. Pit of despair, which I took from a classic movie, "The Princess Bride," combined with the fire pit I wanted to discuss, I came up with the title I have now. But it didn't stop there. Knowing I would need a way to tie my title into my story and wanting you the reader to understand where I was going to go with this post, I went to the common place for information. That place, Wikipedia.

Thinking I would come up with something from the movie, I typed in, "pit of despair" and to my surprise found another story, much scarier than the one's I could remember from Camp Arrowhead. This story was about an American psychologist who created a pit of despair, also known as a vertical chamber, which was used on monkeys for the purpose of studying depression.

From what I understand, this chamber was built for the sole purpose of separating monkeys, isolating them, in order to evaluate the effects of depression due to isolation. The monkeys were taken from birth, and placed into this chamber alone for up to one year. Within days, the monkeys, which I might add are very social creatures, would quit moving and would huddle in a corner. After that one year went by the monkeys would then be removed from their chambers psychotic, and unable to recover. So is there a happy ending to a man who seemingly tortured monkeys for what seems to be common sense?

Intrigued by love, I found that Harlow also performed other experiments involving monkeys, and surrogate mother's. In this experiment, monkeys would be taken from their mothers, and placed into a cage with robotic mothers. One robot was made up with cold wire mesh, while the other made with cloth, but both having the ability to nurse the young monkey. It concluded that the baby monkeys overwhelmingly chose the cloth mother, because of its need for affection. Because of this study they were able to make key changes and improve how orphanages and child care providers approached a child's care.

When I first read this story, I was very upset, mostly because I am not an activist for animals. I feel that testing should be done on animals, if it means saving a humans life, but a story like what I first discovered could have changed me. I say could have because like many, I could have stopped there and not done any further research on Harlow, and drawn my conclusion there. Instead I gave Harlow the benefit of the doubt, researched his work on other sites, both biased to him and unbiased, and found that in the end, this was a good man. From time to time we all need to do this, including myself. Quit pre-judging others, love thy neighbor, and come together. If we do, then in the end, we'll be richer people for it.

*by the way, I love the fire pit. Thanks Francie, you are the fire that keeps me warm at night.

who am I

who am I:

I am a man who makes no apologies. I am an American, but am human. I have rights and I believe in America and what it was founded on, yet I respect your culture. I am not a Republican, nor am I a Democrat, but I accept those parties. I'm not a socialist, and I am not a progressive, but feel that both have something to offer. I'm conservative about some things, while liberal about other things. I am self taught with a public education. I believe in world peace, but feel the need for strong security. I believe that anyone has the right to be in my country, but also feel the need for its security.

When it comes to religion I am a believer in God and put my trust into him, but I do not attend church for I cannot afford to praise him there. I believe in freedom of religion, and respect other religions and would hope the same in return. I believe that God loved us and in doing so, he gave his only son to save us. I believe in the bible and its words in the way that it was written and feel that modern day interpretation clouds its truth. I am a sinner.

I believe in the "Golden Rule" and I try using it daily as I would want it done unto me. I believe in dreaming, and strive to achieve those dreams even when faced with obstacles. I'm a dreamer. I have faults and imperfections. I am not perfect.

I know that one day I will die and will have only made but a small imprint on this world and I have accepted that. I am not afraid of death and understand it is a way of life. I fear the loss of others and do not handle grief well. I am alone and I am loved. I live each day the way I want to live it and have no regrets when I lie down to sleep. I have good friends and am friends with good people. I will lead if you need me, and I will follow you anywhere.

So, who am I? I am you, and in many ways you are me. I only want your acceptance... because I have already accepted you.

my cat is smarter than your honor student

This post goes out to the, "Tater."

~May this years harvest break your back~

On my way to lunch the other day I came up behind a car riddled with bumper stickers, that left me with some questions. For the guy I was behind my question for him was, do you even know where the bumper is? His decorated van of biased opinions sure had a lot to say, but as I looked down at his bumper, I noticed it was bare. Not a single bumper sticker anywhere. Why? Does he not know that a bumper sticker is for his bumper? Did I miss an e-mail informing me to move all bumper stickers up to your back glass for vision impairing purposes? Thinking this guy has got life all wrong, I switched lanes.

As I motored on, I came up behind a white Toyota, which unlike the minivan had bumper stickers in the right place, but also featured a family of stickers on it's back glass. By the number of stick figures it boasted, I could tell these folks never heard of birth control.

Desperate to get my double cheeseburger, I tried to strategize my next lane change as I sat at a long and painful red light. To my left another sticker portrayed an avid doberman lover. I wondered if this was the infamous owner of Chopper. You know Chopper. In the movie Stand By Me, he was the dog that was trained to "sick balls." I looked back up at the light waiting for the green illumination to appear. It had come. I quickly accelerated leaving Chopper to eat my carbon emissions and whipped into my favorite burger joint. Finally, I was safe at last, or was I?

Five cars deep in the drive thru, I peered over my steering wheel to see the most disturbing sticker of the afternoon. "In the event of a rapture, this car will be unmanned." Heaven, if your listening... can we delay rapture, just until I place my order. I really want a double cheeseburger.

Democrat vs Republican ... it's the same thing!

These two parties used to stand for different things, with different beliefs and different values, but today, these two cartoon characters stand for the same thing. So why do we hate one party more than the other when the two are cut from the same loaf of bread? (both being the butt ends of that loaf)

They both believe in being "up in your business," and feel like they need to protect you in the name of freedom, when what they are doing is defying that very thing. As our forefathers taught us, freedom is a right. A right you have to earn and sure you can tax our freedom, but not without representation. Recent Republicans protected you from terrorism, but at a price tag that would make stores on Hollywood Blvd blush. Democrats now have the seat in order to protect you from the future of global warming, it's going to cost you, and your children, and their children. So where do you come in? That would be our democratic right to vote, and to be represented, but wait... you didn't get that chance did you? How about your kids? Oh they can't vote so taking their money is okay. Really?

Another common theme between the two, power. Growing their powers in order to line their pockets from big business is becoming a familiar trend between these two parties. Think your government cares about you? They might, but they're going to need to take a look at that checkbook of yours before they consider you. Welcome to the "good ol' boys club."

What's crazy about this whole circle, is we never learn about how corrupt our administration really is until the end of their term, or after they're out of office. When did Monica appear? Towards the end, when the Republicans needed your vote in the upcoming election. How bout Bush and his horrible water boarding tactics, in the end when McCain was depicted as the same in-humane person as Bush.

Is there more? So much more, and the sad thing is ... you already know all of this. So, my point is, quit buttering the same bread and telling me that this year it's different, this time our new leader will be different. He's not different, none of them have been different for a long time! The two parties want you to believe that, but whens the last time you really felt that your party was listening to you. When was the last time your government stood up and said, "America, I hear you, and you are right." Where is our freedom that was given to us on the day we were born? Is it gone? I'm afraid it is. What about your children? They are now being born into the world with I.O.U.'s and a debt they had nothing to do with. Your kids future kids are already in debt to our government, and they aren't even born yet? Come on! If this doesn't sound crazy, what does? When will you look up and say, that doesn't sound right? What does it take for you to stand up for yourself, and tell this bully known as our government to BACK OFF! If you're not going to do it for yourself, then do it for your kids.

The pants of our government have been growing for a long time and have gotten to big, but until you stand up and say, "enough is enough," it's not going to end. I'm sorry, but I fear soon those size 38's that used to fit so snug at the end of the our last administration, will soon become a size 40.

democrats . . . this is not your savior

I am not a Democrat, (as depicted by the picture) nor am I a Republican. I am just an American with an opinion, so quit trying to shove your political agenda on me.

As an American I have a right, no I have a freedom, to speak about what I wish, freely. I make no apologies for my opinion, and I ask no one to make them on my behalf. However, as of recent, a newly elected political figure feels like he must apologize on my behalf to others, yet I don't remember asking him to do so.

As of recent he has also pumped billions of trillions of dollars into an economy, that if it's to remain a capitalist society, should be allowed to reset on it's own. Now as we watch 4 billion in tax dollars go into bankruptcy, I wonder how my children are going to survive paying back a debt they had nothing to do with.

I'm concerned about the carbon credits, and Al's hidden agenda on pushing something that will be nothing more than a profit for big business. One of the biggest in business, our government. See for those of you who don't know your government is a business, and in order to stay afloat, they need us. But, without your willingness to stand up for yourself, I'm afraid this is a boat that will stay afloat for quite some time.

I never asked to own a bank, yet now I do. I don't have time to run a car company, but now I have to figure out how. I don't know much about insurance, but I'm in the business, anyone need a policy? Oh, and because I am a great guy I've also picked up some of my neighbors mortgage's. Did I mention I had a lot of neighbors?

With all of my new found hobbies that my government has put me on the hook for, I barely have time to myself. Cough, is that the swine flu? Great guess I'm going to buy some hospitals soon!

Republican or Democratic, you have got to quit putting your political figure on a pedestal. Both parties stand for the same thing, which is being in the business of being all up in your business. If you want my attention quit telling me what your party "used too" stand for. (you know, as your parents and professors have brain washed you to believe) Instead tell me how they're helping, by getting off my back and allowing me to be what I was born to be. A free and proud American, with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

your roadside memorial may be dangerous?

Here's a topic that I'm sure is disturbing to many, but one that needs to be addressed. Roadside memorials seem to be growing trend and as they become so, there seems to be a competition on who's is the most elaborate. All though I understand every ones need to grieve, I don't understand why roadside memorials are becoming more than just that, a memorial.

It used to be a ribbon tied around a pole or a cross staked into the ground to symbolize the final resting place of a loved one who was so suddenly taken from our world. However today's memorials are now eye cathers for all to see, and actually becoming a danger to drivers who take a few extra moments to look, instead of keeping thier eyes where they are supposed to be, on the road.

Today these "super memorials" come complete with pictures, stuffed animals, balloons, and even special lighting for nighttime allumination. With all of this stuff, its impossible for a person not to notice. So am I insensitive to those who have a lost a loved one? I really don't think so. I am concerned, just as you are when you get behind someone who is texting rather than driving. We all know that it only takes a slight distraction to cause a major accident, as I'm sure was the case for the roadside memorial.

Now if some of these memorials were signs they would be a violation of city code because of the placement. See the following link for regulations. http://www.ci.springfield.mo.us/egov/planning_development/TaskForce/sign_regs.html

In many situations theses memorials violate lighting regulations, streamer violations, and other variations of this law, and are clearly a danger to passing motorists.

In closing I would like to say, if this has offended anyone, please accept my apologies. I am in no way saying you don't have the right to grieve your loved ones. However, if we are going to keep our city safe, lets at least tone it down.

lo mein pork flu ... only $4.99

Today's epidemic is the swine flu. Tomorrow will be a new disaster, and so on and so on. If your smart, you'll wash your hands of this whole pork bellied media hype (please do, I don't want to get sick) and go on with your life.

Believe it or not the folks at CDC ( Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ) tell us to do the same thing for this swine flu that we do for the normal everyday flu. The list is a little overwhelming, but here it is:

First, cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze.

Second, wash your hands often with soap & water, especially after you cough or sneeze.

Lastly, avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way.

These steps seem to be a far stretch, but now that you have been updated from the same things your mom taught you and your kindergarten teacher, it's time for you to get back to your merry life. As most disasters come, (like Y2K) this too will pass. Remember you live in a a country, that has great health care, and as long as you do the simple things your mother always told you to do, everything will be just fine.

Could I tie this blog to the massive flocking of illegals that will be jumping our fence to escape the lastest pig outbreak, sure. But what would I have to write about tomorrow?

your friend is a wolf in sheeps clothing

To be completely clear and up front; I love my friends. They're needy, but there when needed. They're time consuming, yet always willing to give up some of their own time. They're also expensive, yet always willing to give to a friend in need. So why, if I am so content, do I feel like I have a knife in my back?

There are a lot of you, family included, that consider yourselves to be friends to a lot of people. But to be honest, your friendship is biased and is only available to others in a time of convenience, your convenience. Your willingness only goes as far as it's a benefit to you, and no further. No, you are no more than a fair-weather friend which is defined as: a person who supports others only when it is easy and convenient to do so. Ungrateful family members, this definition pertains to you as well.

So how do we avoid these, self proclaimed "friends," and ensure we don't fall into this trap? One simple step. Never lend yourself more than once. These predators care about one thing, and one thing only, themselves. So when I say never lend yourself more than once, I mean it for all areas of your life. Money, personal items, and even time. Trust me, when you have run out of these things, like a vulture they will move on to the next prey. So the key is to run out of these items quickly.

To test the value of this "friendship," ask for its return soon. I don't mean put a time limit on it, but like checking a water's temperature before getting in, dip your toes in a little bit, and see what your jumping into. For money, even if you don't need it, tell them you may need to borrow some from them too. Then in time, borrow it. Even if it's just $50 bucks, ask to borrow it. If you keep getting excuse after excuse of why they can never loan it to you, it's time to cut this friendship short. The same goes with personal items, and time. Even if you don't need it, ask for it. They're asking you to put your time on the line, so why shouldn't they do the same for you.

For family members, it's tough, but trust in this one step to get you through them too. After all, family is no more than a friendship, based on trust and connected by blood.

stop the bleeding

If I could turn it off I would, but due to an ever wondering mind it's just not that simple.

Time and time again I try to avoid meaningless conversation, because honestly in my mind, there's just no more room. I want to listen, I really do, but what you have to say does not stimulate my interests enough to provoke an actual conversation.

Sound familiar? If not, your the one with all the stories I care nothing about. Encountering these people is a daily event, and I'm sure as exciting as their life may be (in their head), it truely means nothing to me.

Seriously, as you stand there telling me about your night last night, I'm screaming on the inside "WHO REALLY CARES!" What I want to say to you is, "Yes, I caught that episode of Sienfield, 10 years ago. It wasn't that funny then, and it still wasn't funny last night." Why am I even talking to you about this? (Serenity now!) Meaningless conversations waste a lot of time and have little to offer. Yet, somehow, I always feel a bit of guilt when I don't give my undivided attention. Am I just that much better then you, or am I just that big of an ass? Do I care?

Either way, I always wonder, had I stopped to listen to you, could I have learned something? Something important, that would have meant something in my life? Did I let an opportunity escape, that could have changed my life? And most importantly, how have I made it this far in life without knowing anything about the diarrhea now spewing from your mouth?

Sure, I always enjoy the way I segue out of a conversation, it's truley magical. So much so, that even Houdini turns in his grave. Still, I can't help to wonder, have I turned my own faucet off; just to stop the bleeding? (the bleeding in my ears) Perhaps. But, then again, by you reading this . . . have I just done to you, what I don't want done to me?

a woman's body is her right . . . right?

I have always believed that a woman's body is her right, and no matter your political agenda, and your left OR right wing views, you have no right to impose your beliefs "onto" anyone.

So why am I even trying to tackle this one? Well, like the song says, I'm "torn between two lovers" (feeling like a fool). Like most, I care about a lot of issues, but where the road goes one way for some, mine detours to another town. Welcome to my head, population me.

As an adult we have certain responsibilities, one of which is governing ourselves, self regulation. So why the rant? Recently something I have been observing, which never really bothered me before, has begun to fester and although I believe in the right to govern our own body, I can't help but to feel the pain of an unborn infant. I have oserved an expectant mother who is well along her pregnancy continue to smoke as if the child she is growing inside has no right to be there. Although she has done this the entire time she has been pregnant, I have never really been bothered by this until recently. So where am I wrong? Are my beliefs of self regulation clouding my mind from the reality of the situation?

The answer is no. Shocking as that may sound, and as harmful my opinion is to this unborn child, my beliefs need to remain my beliefs. Freedom is a choice that we all take for granted, and although this woman treads on hers without disregard for others, the choice is still hers. My feelings, and my beliefs are mine and mine alone, and I have no right to impose them onto her. As much as I disagree with what she's doing, she has every right.

i asked you a question. what?

If a question goes unanswered, was it ever a question to begin with? If you just read that question without an answer, you too have become disconnected. (and no the question wasn't rhetorical) Had I sent that question via a text message, then would have you replied?

Often times our "busy" lives just don't have time for the important things, one of which would be listening. In fact I bet you can think of a couple of people right now, that when asked a question, it seems as though you are asking them to give up their life for an answer. Maybe, that's the problem? We are asking them to give up their life, even if it's just a moment, it's a piece of their life that they will never get back. How dare you cloud up their day with a question, in which they know the answer too, but are way to busy to answer. You have some nerve.

So maybe it wasn't greedy corporate America that destoyed our economy, or the politicians in D.C. I'll bet you that the little man, the average American who makes $30,000 a year, who bought a $250,000 dollar home had nothing to do with it eithier, right? After all when their conscience asked the question is this right, we answered ourselves, didn't we? Maybe today's economy is a result of ourselves being to busy to answer our ownselves. I'll bet had I texted myself, do you really need to be buying this big screen right now, I may have answered myself. Perhaps, even then, I was to busy.

So what's the point? (like you've been listening) Lend an ear, because whether you believe it or not, the next question you hear may decide your future, or what your doing for lunch today.