my cat is smarter than your honor student

This post goes out to the, "Tater."

~May this years harvest break your back~

On my way to lunch the other day I came up behind a car riddled with bumper stickers, that left me with some questions. For the guy I was behind my question for him was, do you even know where the bumper is? His decorated van of biased opinions sure had a lot to say, but as I looked down at his bumper, I noticed it was bare. Not a single bumper sticker anywhere. Why? Does he not know that a bumper sticker is for his bumper? Did I miss an e-mail informing me to move all bumper stickers up to your back glass for vision impairing purposes? Thinking this guy has got life all wrong, I switched lanes.

As I motored on, I came up behind a white Toyota, which unlike the minivan had bumper stickers in the right place, but also featured a family of stickers on it's back glass. By the number of stick figures it boasted, I could tell these folks never heard of birth control.

Desperate to get my double cheeseburger, I tried to strategize my next lane change as I sat at a long and painful red light. To my left another sticker portrayed an avid doberman lover. I wondered if this was the infamous owner of Chopper. You know Chopper. In the movie Stand By Me, he was the dog that was trained to "sick balls." I looked back up at the light waiting for the green illumination to appear. It had come. I quickly accelerated leaving Chopper to eat my carbon emissions and whipped into my favorite burger joint. Finally, I was safe at last, or was I?

Five cars deep in the drive thru, I peered over my steering wheel to see the most disturbing sticker of the afternoon. "In the event of a rapture, this car will be unmanned." Heaven, if your listening... can we delay rapture, just until I place my order. I really want a double cheeseburger.